IDOL by Louise O’Neill

Author:Louise O’Neill [O’Neill, Louise]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Random House UK
Published: 2022-03-23T00:00:00+00:00

19.

March 1999

‘Looky looky what we have here.’

‘Hey, Brandon,’ Sam said, smiling tightly at him as she took her seat in homeroom. He leaned forward, his fingertips grazing her upper arm, and she resisted the urge to shudder. ‘I had fun on Saturday night,’ he said. ‘Did you?’

She and Lisa had arrived at Becky Stewart’s around 10 p.m. The colonial-style house with large shuttered windows was only two doors down from Sam’s; their fathers were partners in the same law firm. ‘Shit,’ Lisa murmured when they walked into the Stewarts’ kitchen. ‘Don’t look now but he’s over there.’ Josh was sitting on the dining table, his legs wide apart and his feet dangling off the ground. He was laughing at something Chris had said, his teeth white in his tanned face. ‘Are you OK?’ Lisa asked, and Sam snapped at her, ‘Stop hovering, I’m fine.’

Brandon saw them, cupping his hands around his mouth and yelling, ‘Oh shiiiiit. Call the cops cos we about to have an emergency up in here.’

Sam made a face at him. ‘Get a life, Brandon.’ She leaned in to kiss Josh on the cheek, inhaling his aftershave, spicy and warm, and the temptation to cry was so fierce, for a second she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to stop herself. She moved on quickly to Chris and then Brandon, pretending she didn’t have a care in the world. ‘Josh and I dated for, like, six months. We’re still friends, right?’

Josh looked relieved, saying, ‘Yeah, of course we are.’

‘Awesome,’ she said, taking a vodka jelly shot and throwing it back, grimacing as it burned her throat. ‘Now. Who wants to get fucked up?’

She didn’t remember much after that. The night was a blank, snapshots of moments flashing here and there – another shot, ‘No Diggity’ on the speakers, Becky crying about a broken lamp, Lisa asking if Sam was all right, did she want to go home, she was super drunk. Brandon, his mouth on hers, his fingers digging into her soft flesh as if he wanted to leave evidence that he had been there. She opened her eyes. Josh, standing with a group of friends, staring at them. Good, she thought. I hope you’re hurting as much as I am.

‘We should do it again some time,’ Brandon said as other students filed into the classroom, smirking at the sight of the two of them talking.

‘Yeah, maybe,’ she replied, tapping her lower lip with her pencil.

Lisa flopped into the seat next to her, flustered. ‘I thought you were going to pick me up,’ she said. ‘I waited ages.’

‘Shit, I forgot.’ Sam turned away from Brandon, mouthing help. Lisa pulled her seat closer, taking a notebook covered in Bikini Kill’s ‘Rebel Girl’ lyrics from her school bag, and opened it on her friend’s desk.

‘I didn’t do my homework, can I copy yours?’ she lied, and even though everyone knew Lisa was an honour roll student who hadn’t forgotten to do her homework since first grade, Brandon turned away, talking loudly to the boy behind him, yeah bro, the party was awesome, I was totally wasted.

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